This Is My Story

When we talk about testimonies there are usually two typical ways that we expect the testimony to start. The first is that of those people who grow up outside the church and come into faith later on. The second is those that

grow up in church and faith. Mine is that of the latter. I was the "typical" church kid, I was born into a great family of followers. I was that cute little baby in the nursery, then the little kid in kids church who was in all the skits, plays and in the worship band for kids church, and carried on into the youth group throughout most of high school. From the outside it seemed as though I had everything together, on the inside however I fell away from my faith and from God.

About the time I was a 7th or 8th grader was when I was introduced to pornography. From that moment on it has been an addiction that I have not been able to get rid of. The older I got the further from God I fell. I was still involved with church and my youth group. To everyone it looked as though I was still that "good kid" that grew up in church, yet internally I was so far from that person that I didn't even recognize myself. After high school I left home to play college soccer. Even though I was at a Christian college. I never once stepped into a church service that wasn't required, and I didn't read the bible unless it was for a class.

I came home for the summer and along with the porn, sex became an issue. My sophomore year didn't get any better I began failing class after class. I didn't finish out my sophomore season of college soccer and ended up coming home for good after the first semester. I took a year off of school and just worked. The following year I started school again, and again I failed classes. I moved to a different college and again failed classes.

In the summer of 2013 we went on vacation to Puerto Rico with my girlfriend and her family. We had been together since my sophomore year in high school. While we were there I proposed. She said yes and I was the happiest man in the world. I had spent the last 6 years dreaming of spending the rest of my life with her. We spent the entire next year planning the wedding. I....being the typical male hated majority of the planning process and made it not very fun for either one of us.

Around January 2014 I decided not to go back to school anymore but to go to taxidermy school in Montana. The wedding was in June and I would get back from Montana the week before the wedding. I was stoked! I was going to do something that I loved, and

then I was going to get to marry the girl of my dreams when I got back.

So March comes around and Dad and I pack up and drive to Montana. It was amazing to say the least. I was loving the school and everything about Montana. About two weeks in I call my fiancé one night before bed like usual and she tells me she wants to cancel the wedding. I was distraught, 1800 miles from home and all by myself. My entire world just came crashing down. I was on the verge of leaving and coming home. We called off the wedding and decided that we would wait until I got home to make any further decisions.

I flew home for Easter weekend and spent most of the time talking with her and trying to figure things out. I flew back that Sunday evening. While I was home my dog Iker was starting to get really sick. It wasn't too bad at first but as the weeks went on he got worse and worse. So not only am I having to deal with the possibility of losing my fiancé, my hunting buddy is sick and quickly getting worse.

About 3 weeks before the end of school I call dad on my lunch break to check on how Iker was doing. Dad tells me that they had taken him back to the vet and left him overnight and he was so bad that morning they decided to have him put to sleep. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse I lost my best friend and hunting buddy. I was so close to packing up and leaving.

I stayed and finished taxidermy school. When I got home my fiancé and I spent the next month talking and trying to figure everything out. The night before I left for vacation she comes over and tells me she no longer wants to be with me. At this point I had planned for that possible outcome. That summer was incredibly difficult, the whole porn problem was in full swing, as well as having to deal with anger. Not just oh I'm mad, but furious rage. Everything was a reminder that I had lost not only my fiancé, but my dog as well. I not only blamed her for it, but I also blamed God. How could my God, the God of mercy and grace let me go through all of this. I now see that he used this to show me things I never thought possible.

My best friend Davey is one of if not the biggest reasons that I have been able to manage everything. I am sure that if it wasn't for this awesome man in my life I would not be here writing this blog. I would not have stuck out taxidermy school. I would not be striving for the things that I love to do. In fact I would probably be drunk in some bar or perhaps even out on the streets.

In 2013 my brother, a few friends and I decided to start Dark Cloud Outdoors. It began as just us hunting and fishing and putting it up on social media. Then I started the taxidermy side of it. A little later on Wes came to us and said that he wanted to use it as a ministry as well. I didn't really think anything about that until then and didn't give it much thought after the fact. That is until I was invited to go to youth camp with my church this year.

Little did I know God was and is still working in me to change my life. I still can't see his entire plan but I am willing and able to do whatever he calls me to do. When our youth pastor called and asked me to be a sponsor for camp I immediately thought "I can't be a mentor to these kids....I can't even figure out my own life!" Yet God had other plans. After a week and a half of fighting and arguing with God I finally said ok I'll do it. While there all week I struggled with the idea that I was there for the kids and that I'm not supposed to ask God for anything or to let God work in my life. Again he had other plans! The last night of camp he showed me things I needed to work on. Things like reading my bible and tithing. Yet he didn't stop there he went on and showed me that I am supposed to use Dark Cloud Outdoors as a ministry for college age students.

I still have no idea exactly how I am going to keep going, or doing what God wants of me. But if I have learned anything from all that I have been through its that God has a plan and that he will open the doors that I need to get to where I'm supposed to be. I don't want you to think that I am finished with the struggles and temptations. Those are things I deal with daily. Instead find hope in the fact that even though I have these struggles, temptations, and uncertainties I know that God is holding me up the entire way and that he will do the same for you no matter what you are going through. Even if it's worse than what I have been through there is hope and God is there for you.

#testimony #struggle #hope #peace